We often hope for holiday visits with aging parents to be sentimental celebrations. For some adult children, though, the holiday visit can be a distressing time. Subtle signs may surface, indicating their parent is not taking proper care of themself—and it may be time to consider assisted living. 

You may already be familiar with the more obvious warning signs that an aging parent is not able to live on their own, such as frequent falls, persistent forgetfulness, hoarding, lack of social relationships, misuse of medication, and overdue bills. During holiday visits, adult children can pay attention for subtle signs that an aging parent needs assisted living care.

When visiting an aging parent, be observant of the following:

• Is their home environment tidy and relatively clean? Or, is there an odor, dirty sinks/toilets/floors, and general messiness that is not typical for them? 
• Are there late notices for bills? Is mail piled up?
• Do they appear unsteady in their gait? navigating stairs? difficulty rising from or lowering to a chair?
• Do you notice any weight loss? 
• Are they maintaining personal hygiene?
• Do they see friends, engage with social groups, or do they spend more time alone?
• Are they taking medications properly? (count pills and check refill dates)
• Do they become defensive about you touching their things or helping to tidy up?
• Are they quick to anger, more easily frustrated, or impulsive? 

How concerned should you be about changes noticed in an aging parent?

There are many reasons why changes occur in an aging parent. Sometime the changes are transient, even temporary, caused by things like a recent illness or injury, or the loss of a beloved pet, friend or partner. Retirement or societal changes that require personal adaptations (such as to new technologies) can bring about temporary attitudinal and emotional shifts as your parent tries to establish a new sense of meaning and purpose for their life.

While such changes warrant careful monitoring and should be addressed with appropriate physical and emotional support, they likely are not indicators that your parent needs assisted living.

You should be concerned, and ready to consider assisted living care for an aging parent if the changes you notice are persistent, intense or worsening, and if they result in frequent visits to the doctor or hospital. Be on the watch for increased isolation, suspicion that your parent is experiencing more than just holiday blues, or overt signs of emotional and physical hazards or self-harm, which require immediate medical attention. Now would be the time to make inquiries about assisted living care.

Start the Conversation: Is it Time to Move to Assisted Living?

When you realize your aging parent is not able to care for themselves and their living space, you may experience conflicting emotions, too. It’s important to be open and honest with your parent. If having the conversation with them is difficult, consider working an aging advocate who can help you both navigate the decision with impartial support for both of you. It’s a good idea to schedule a tour of senior living communities so your loved one can see what the community offers and how their life can improve in an assisted care environment. 

Everbrook Assisted Living offers support from compassionate counselors who can in help you decide about the residential lifestyle and care that meets your parent’s unique needs. We provide a variety of affordable, quality living options (including Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Memory Care), amenities, and the medical resources an aging parent needs to live a healthy and meaningful life.